tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3544731008889862992024-03-21T18:06:21.508-07:00Journey of a Fat CatAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15468141500588210433noreply@blogger.comBlogger52125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-354473100888986299.post-18181229964114809732015-11-16T10:05:00.000-08:002015-11-16T10:05:43.987-08:00Changing of the GuardI'm not sure if this will work any better but I've changed over to another site for my blog. IF you visit this one or subscribe please click the link to head over to the new blog.<br />
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<a href="http://wonderlens.wix.com/journeyofafatcat" target="_blank">Journey Of A Fat Cat</a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15468141500588210433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-354473100888986299.post-27897000377249432542015-10-10T23:10:00.002-07:002015-10-10T23:10:41.240-07:00Journey is Moving ForwardI have had several issues with this blog over the past few months. I am currently in the process of moving Journey of a Fat Cat to a new site. Once it is up the link will be posted here....Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15468141500588210433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-354473100888986299.post-13286317461967558142015-08-07T21:59:00.001-07:002015-08-07T21:59:59.739-07:00Still alive<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvV1rQQ0TzPLzPLty0mJvNLcVoJFEcM3rhc3ZbXV0N53_ytCYenbvsFDzfzULBGSTpQMwRBsTo6jmBEyrt5waTLGsyBXwAuVq0-j56PWgPJgRjXd_8tymQmPrZoUvUuyxIhGFqhtO4ELYP/s640/blogger-image--673529184.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvV1rQQ0TzPLzPLty0mJvNLcVoJFEcM3rhc3ZbXV0N53_ytCYenbvsFDzfzULBGSTpQMwRBsTo6jmBEyrt5waTLGsyBXwAuVq0-j56PWgPJgRjXd_8tymQmPrZoUvUuyxIhGFqhtO4ELYP/s640/blogger-image--673529184.jpg"></a></div>I'm still here and working on a better me that I can say I'm proud of. Summer has been crazy and I've deviated from stuff a bit but starting tomorrow I'm back in the gym. <div><br></div><div>I can feel myself getting irritable and restless from not being in the gym as much the past week. Being irritable and restless is a horrible combination when you're trying to eat healthy. At least for me my ability to step away from the pizza or step away from the cheeseburger is a hell of a lot harder when I haven't done all that I can. It's an interesting situation when you think about it. If I don't exercise I don't eat healthy but if I exercise I do eat healthy.</div><div><br></div><div>I think there might be something to that but I'll have to explain a bit more. </div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15468141500588210433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-354473100888986299.post-75208526513506205412015-06-23T20:03:00.000-07:002015-06-23T20:03:13.003-07:00A quick video update<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
This isn't long but I needed to get this somewhere besides my head. <iframe width="320" height="266" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/nsCeVklCA2U/0.jpg" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/nsCeVklCA2U?feature=player_embedded" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15468141500588210433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-354473100888986299.post-38757084333022182532015-06-07T21:53:00.003-07:002015-06-07T21:53:58.889-07:00Why Yes! I just said I felt sexy....I have a question. Would food posts be something you would want to read?<br />
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I have learned over the last 4 months that food & nutrition are a huge part of losing weight. I have also come to the conclusion that I absolutely refuse to have a boring diet. I've tried the chicken & veg thing for every meal & it just isn't worth it. This is meant to be a life change & I want my life to be filled with delicious food. I would like to share my favorite recipes if there is interest. So what do you say? Are you interested? Let me know so I can get to working on it.<br />
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And now to today's post:<br />
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Today is Sunday & that usually means relaxing time with the family, but today we headed to the gym to enjoy the pool...except I couldn't since my newest tattoo is still healing. So while my guys were hanging out in the pool, I was out on the gym floor working up a sweat. And do you know what I realized? I LOVE Sunday workouts!<br />
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It's quite, the machines & weights that I want to use are immediately available, and when you have the gym to yourself it's like magic.<br />
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I also had a realization after the gym today. I realized that I feel like such a bad ass after my workout. It has taken awhile to get to this point, but I really do feel sassy, sexy, strong, and empowered after I've spent an hour at the gym. That feeling of awesomeness gets me going on my worst days where even the idea of putting on a bra seems like too much work. On days like that, it helps to know that if I just get going I will feel 1000% better.<br />
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For my workout today I started out on the treadmill. I hate the damn thing but it's helping me see results so I can't hate on it too bad. My trainer, Jen, introduced me to this thing called pyramids last week & I'm trying my best to complete the whole thing, but it's challenging. So what are pyramids? Well you basically start out on a nicely paced walk for 5 minutes. Jen says this is to warm up but I'm convinced that it to fool your body into thinking it's just an easy day at the gym.<br />
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Next you turn up the speed for 10 seconds. Now this increased speed depends on what you feel comfortable with. I bump it up to a 4.8 most times but it really depends. After that 10 seconds you go back to a walk for 50 seconds. Again this is a nice way to fool your body into thinking that you were just fooling around...that nothing serious is about to happen.<br />
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After that 50 seconds of lovely walking you again turn of the speed but for 20 seconds this time. And really what is 20 seconds? Nothing really! You can totally jog or run for 20 seconds.<br />
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Next is a 30 seconds of walking and 30 seconds of running. This is where I start not liking this drill so much but continue on because it's only 30 seconds. What's the worst that can happen?<br />
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I'll tell you what! The running time becomes longer than the walking. You now are doing 20 seconds of walking and 40 seconds of running, but really it's only 40 seconds & you will survive...I promise!<br />
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Next up is walking for 10 seconds and running for 50. At this point, this may seem like a horrible idea. The first few times I did this I was completely sure that I wasn't going to be able to make it the full 50 seconds & actually didn't a couple of times. The key is to not give up, keep going, & to try again.<br />
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Now here comes the moment of truth. A full 60 seconds of running or jogging. If you are like me & relatively new to the world of "I'm voluntarily choosing to run" this will suck the first few times....but it's only 1 minute of your life. You can do this for 60 seconds.<br />
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Now you've done the first side of the pyramid & might be asking what's next!? Well my friend, you went up one side & have to come down the other side of the pyramid. I'm still working on the descending side but it's getting there.<br />
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Just starting has helped in so many ways. My breathing capacity, my stamina, my confidence, my weight...it's all been helped by simply adding this 20 minute workout to my routine. So if you are just starting out or if you have been in the gym but avoiding the cardio, this is a great way to start!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15468141500588210433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-354473100888986299.post-6598029485532255222015-05-23T13:10:00.001-07:002015-05-31T16:29:19.628-07:00A ReminderWhy am I doing this?<br>
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I've found myself asking this question a few times over the past four months. The answer this time came in the form of a climbing harness at the Spire Climbing Center. </div>
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The kid has fallen in love with climbing. <br>
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The first time we went, I could only look at the harness and make jokes. Last weekend I was able to get it on and buckled...except for that one that goes over the butt. It just didn't want to go there. This weekend who knows!? What I do know is that it's an immediate goal that is in reach. </div>
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For now I'm using it to keep going...to walk that extra bit on the treadmill & lift that last few reps when my arms feel like jelly. </div>
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Spending quality time with my husband and son, doing something active is why I'm not stopping (even when I want to)</div>
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UP NEXT: A quick and easy recipe guaranteed to put a smile on your face! </div>
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Caleb's BAM Chicken. </div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15468141500588210433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-354473100888986299.post-79233061106962947372015-05-16T10:57:00.000-07:002015-05-16T10:57:15.251-07:00Good News<div style="text-align: center;">
Guess who is going to be on the radio? </div>
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Well yes lots of musicians but also ME!</div>
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On May 28th at 7:30am I will be on 100.7 XL Country.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijaAm7Y4uUWBcvkxVsg1-Sm_L5FXnhZERY9X6piMgdkV0oRwMHFWK8qAkInN-7pditWlX0WdSLx7yWwAQOFazfSZkmfGhg0UpzJiyapT5UQkYagOhFmJNcaOc30wzIVrl1ROuryXIMY-go/s1600/excited.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="244" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijaAm7Y4uUWBcvkxVsg1-Sm_L5FXnhZERY9X6piMgdkV0oRwMHFWK8qAkInN-7pditWlX0WdSLx7yWwAQOFazfSZkmfGhg0UpzJiyapT5UQkYagOhFmJNcaOc30wzIVrl1ROuryXIMY-go/s320/excited.gif" width="320" /></a></div>
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I'm a wee bit excited!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15468141500588210433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-354473100888986299.post-85385088789584308102015-05-15T17:08:00.000-07:002015-05-15T17:08:39.970-07:00Stessed<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Today this smile on my face is just for show. </div>
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My level of stress today found me tearing up in front of my son's teachers & it wasn't that single tear stuff either. No we are talking about full on crying. The optimistic side of me wants to believe that it was a pretty cry, but I'm pretty sure it was the sort of ugly pre-nervous breakdown cry that teacher's write about on their blog or talk about at yearly conferences.</div>
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Yes I was a hot mess. And the source of my extreme stress? My son. </div>
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Without going into the kiddo's life, I will just say this.</div>
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School...missing assignments...lying & attitude...failing classes.</div>
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Yeah that's been my past few weeks.</div>
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So how am I handling this crap-tastic amount of stress?</div>
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Am I going to the gym? I should but I'm using the fact that my abs and back have boycotted any movement today as a reason not to go.</div>
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Am I talking with someone? No. This is a mom thing and it feels like I'm failing. I don't want a pep talk (although I probably need one) and I don't want to come across as just a negative complainer to the few people that I've started to make a connection with. </div>
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Am I eating? Yes. Yes I am. I'm still watching the calorie amount but the food choice I'm making cannot be found on any healthy or superfood list. It's a bit of progress. However, I am still turning to food to deal & that's not ok.</div>
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Rant over.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15468141500588210433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-354473100888986299.post-32224317580600293962015-05-07T20:58:00.001-07:002015-05-07T20:58:59.686-07:00Notice the changes and celebrate them<br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDrRhN14cxNv5S7wYrJwo7zbdDpfJ1_WPfKo5B60TTCjy7AbdPhS2dBn9Q2fi7i9QZyGr0zvkjC-T_c4UTICo00egmrSNhzDmkYV8B7V12gsetrbadP_F3DScWLrRqBHgrWJC0PA2x_M9N/s640/blogger-image-1742145382.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDrRhN14cxNv5S7wYrJwo7zbdDpfJ1_WPfKo5B60TTCjy7AbdPhS2dBn9Q2fi7i9QZyGr0zvkjC-T_c4UTICo00egmrSNhzDmkYV8B7V12gsetrbadP_F3DScWLrRqBHgrWJC0PA2x_M9N/s640/blogger-image-1742145382.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Today I experienced something I haven't been able to in a very long time...we are talking ten years or more! I was able to sit comfortably in the back of my car and use a seatbelt!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Because of Steven's injuries I have been the primary driver for awhile. On the rare occasion I've sat in either the front or back passenger seat...well it's always been an extremely uncomfortable situation. The front passenger seatbelt was a struggle. As in I was struggling to breathe while strapped in. The back seat? Yeah that wasn't going to happen three months ago. Today? I was able to buckle in comfortably. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">So why am I taking photos and talking about it? Because the small victories matter. Learning to celebrate any accomplishment no matter how big or small is what makes this journey different</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">from all the other ones I've tried to take in the past. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15468141500588210433noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-354473100888986299.post-76204430702644983242015-05-04T08:06:00.001-07:002015-05-04T08:06:06.609-07:00Week 14I've let the stress and worry over the past week overwhelm me. I've used it as an excuse to not be the bad ass beast I've worked to be. <div><br></div><div>This week that all changes. I'm back in the weight room and on the treadmill sweating like crazy & making progress. </div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15468141500588210433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-354473100888986299.post-24896197889705661252015-04-22T20:12:00.000-07:002015-04-22T20:12:10.474-07:00Sliding in Week 12I have a confession to make.<br />
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Today I slide back into the comfortable and unhealthy habits that I relied on heavily three months ago.<br />
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I bought and ate a piece of chocolate cake. It was sweet and rich and....didn't help me at all.<br />
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What's up with that, cake? I mean you were my go to for all emotional issues for years. Could it possibly be that you NEVER helped?! Could it be that you were just a distraction from the real issues? For the last three months I have missed your company, your taste, and magic salve that would fix my day. I feel foolish for putting my trust in such a small bakery item.<br />
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I would like to say that now I know better, but right now all I can focus on is the fact that I am utterly sick to my stomach from all of that chocolate.<br />
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I feel ashamed that I went there.<br />
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I am disgusted with how my body feels.<br />
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Dear lord I think I might be sick...<br />
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So what caused my current state?<br />
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<a name='more'></a>The week has sucked.<br />
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My kid almost caused a fire with a few extremely baked biscuits in the microwave & the entire house smelled like it belonged on the set of Reign of Fire or Backdraft. After 5 days of having all the windows open (in April in Montana) and doing 38 loads of laundry, the smell is faint but still there. At this point I have just decided to go with it and call it my new perfume.<br />
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Caleb has also been going through a "I'm going to lie about everything no matter what it is" phase. Truly I don't understand why he is lying about some of the stupidest stuff imaginable. For example, the whip cream canister that he took to school in his backpack. If not for the lying I would have found it comically that he went to such length and ended up with a notebook full of the stuff.<br />
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He also said something on the playground and because of the world that we live in was suspended for half a day.<br />
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Please let this be puberty and not some sort of demon possession. Puberty I can handle & there will eventually be a light at the end of the tunnel. The other I think holy water is involved?!<br />
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My husband. (I love him dearly and if he happens to be reading this...I'm sorry for putting this out there but this is my place to speak my mind no matter the topic)<br />
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He has been having a rough time in terms of back pain & his migraines. In the last two weeks we have been to the ER twice...yeah it's been that kind of month for us. On top of all the pain, there is stress from work that has preoccupied him a lot lately. AND then there is World of Warcraft. Now I play WoW too & I understand why he plays it as much as he does. He uses it as an escape from the pain and the PTSD. All of that I'm cool with. But lately, I can't help thinking "What about me?" Would it really be so hard to ask about my day, my workout, my weigh-ins, or just about me? The lack of attention has made me feel a bit isolated & alone. (I can't believe that I want some attention)<br />
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The newness of this new life is also starting to wane. It's becoming routine which I both love and hate. I can't quite articulate why this is bugging me. I mean I'm happy that going to the gym and eating healthy (let's not discuss that cake) is becoming a habit, but I miss the newness & excitement that surrounded the start of this whole thing.<br />
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Overall, all of the this has caused me to stress and make choices that I probably shouldn't have. *Sigh* I guess the only thing that I can do it believe that tomorrow is a new day & another chance to make the right choices.<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15468141500588210433noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-354473100888986299.post-15240139603702542022015-04-05T14:04:00.000-07:002015-04-06T05:45:01.687-07:00Week 9 & the Start of Week 10First with the good news. When I weighed in at the start of week 9, the scale said 357. That means that I have lost a total of 33 lbs so far.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3CYTATxqA7IUbK0qXa0zvBBWQbey7kxekYm2RvOqU-6qJ76oYXF4ng2fneKWvff3Zv-gUNV-ffbVu5tG4AwjVYiWlbhhExk9TF4RicX1E82qvq6F5jTw03F7cA1IDVA9QX6ghgnE-Rsc7/s1600/IMG_5104.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3CYTATxqA7IUbK0qXa0zvBBWQbey7kxekYm2RvOqU-6qJ76oYXF4ng2fneKWvff3Zv-gUNV-ffbVu5tG4AwjVYiWlbhhExk9TF4RicX1E82qvq6F5jTw03F7cA1IDVA9QX6ghgnE-Rsc7/s1600/IMG_5104.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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The bad news? Other than the weigh in, all of week 9 sucked.<br />
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Not in a my life was going crazy and I turned to my old "eat the stress away" sort of suck...it was more of a being a woman this week sucks and my whole body hurts and I don't want to move because it will hurt sort of way.<br />
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I didn't go to the gym much during the week and my whole being felt it. My body was craving the movement & exercise. My mind was constantly thinking of what I should have been doing instead of laying in bed trying not to cry.<br />
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Knowing that my body needed the rest I stayed in the fetal position but the self-doubt and negative thoughts started creeping into my mind.<br />
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It's so incredibly hard to stay positive when "I'm never going to really lose all this weight" and "What's the point?" type thoughts are running through my head. Fortunately, my trainer (Kristi) and health coach (Jackie) both had me start doing positive thinking homework recently.<br />
<a name='more'></a>And I'll say this...I thought that the homework was ridiculous at first. I felt like I was a pretty positive person and this sort of homework was a waste of time. But here's the thing, I weighed almost 400 lbs 10 weeks ago. Obviously I had no clue! I needed help so I did the homework like the A student that I have always tried to be, and you know what?! They were right.<br />
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The positive person that I am for everyone else was no where in sight when it came to myself. The self-derogatory jokes that I started using as a shield have now become second nature & that doesn't help anyone. The "I'm never going to really lose all this weight" and "What's the point?" mindset just gives me an excuse to fail. After all, if I don't believe that this is possible who else is going to believe?<br />
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On Friday night I made the decision that I was going to replace the negative with a positive. I'm not very good at it right now and I struggle but it will get better. So in an effort to keep me thinking about the good, please follow in my friend Maria's foot steps and call me out on it when I start being negative. She also punches me in the arm, but I think that can be for extreme cases only.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVBfDL3ruupfIdfN15i-fNNiuhRTrtCfBHopLKM0TxW-Fl2XWlVUHoVNjEZHBFtg2WHwRomfRgGT-HEPkOJBAN06qYBv8KeU5NeT8v8c_46C1TZEa7_feP70cyhyEN-efnHU5bTODtALH1/s1600/easter+2015.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVBfDL3ruupfIdfN15i-fNNiuhRTrtCfBHopLKM0TxW-Fl2XWlVUHoVNjEZHBFtg2WHwRomfRgGT-HEPkOJBAN06qYBv8KeU5NeT8v8c_46C1TZEa7_feP70cyhyEN-efnHU5bTODtALH1/s1600/easter+2015.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Easter - April 2015</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
In an attempt to be and act more positive I finally got out of bed and went to the gym. My workout wasn't what I would have liked but I still felt good afterwards. So good in fact that I decided to go look at bicycles. Spring is here<br />
(although Montana would have you believe otherwise) and I want to do things with my son.<br />
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Walmart has a pretty nice selection and I found one that I liked...and bonus points for it being in my price range. The only hitch is that it had a weight limit. Did you know that bicycles have weight limits? I didn't.<br />
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It's damn near impossible to stay positive when you have to look your son in the eye and tell him that you can't get a bike because you still weigh too much.<br />
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Watching the excitement drain from his face while he tried to hide his disappointment is something that I NEVER want to see again. I also hate the fact that I have to wait until next summer to ride a bike.<br />
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This week has the possibility of not being much better.<br />
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My son has decided that telling a lie is better than actually doing homework. Oh and he thinks that my kitchen supplies work better smashed, dismantled, or disfigured. Steven, on the other hand, is completely out of pain medication with no idea of when he will be getting more in.<br />
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Between the worry over my son's behavior & grades and the stress over watching Steven suffer, I'm not sure how to find the positive. I guess I can find it in the fact that I'm not eating to deal but even that doesn't seem like much.<br />
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I've also been up for almost 24 hours so that doesn't help much when trying to think positive.<br />
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So here's to finding time to sleep, getting in all my workouts, making good choices, and finding the good moments in week 10..Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15468141500588210433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-354473100888986299.post-56695356360735818582015-03-30T09:00:00.000-07:002015-03-30T17:10:51.519-07:00Nothing Is Going to Hold Me BackLet me start off by asking you a question. Is there anything that you would like to do but can't? What's holding you back?<br />
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For me, the answer is a resounding YES! I am an adventurous person by nature who has not had much of said adventure in her life. Why? Mostly because my weight has always been above the maximum limits.<br />
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I went to Hawaii a few years ago. I loved every minute of it but my weight restricted what I could do. Helicopter tour around the island? Sounds like a once in a lifetime dream but nope...not for me. Even 6 years ago my weight was too high & I would have put the helicopter, the pilot, myself...heck probably the entire population of Oahu in danger.<br />
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Even flying to the island was difficult. Those seats & those belts....can you say seat belt extender? Nothing puts a damper on a dream vacation like starting it out by having to make adjustments because of your size.<br />
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Let me take you back to one of my most vivid & dark moments of my adult life.<br />
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The plane had arrived in San Francisco late and I was the last one on the plane that was flying out to Oahu. Everyone else had stowed their bags & were waiting for takeoff when here I come...very large, out of breath girl with a grin stretching from ear to ear. I was going to Hawaii for a week! Of course I was smiling until I got to the only empty seat left of the plane.</h4>
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Sitting in the adjoining seat was a very pretty and slender woman. She took one look at the empty seat, one look at me, & her whole demeanor changed. I will never forget the look of uncomfortable disgust that flashed across her face. I tried to ignore it, said hello, and sat in my seat crestfallen that I had made someone feel so uncomfortable by just being in the same space as her. </h4>
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<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgX_eHh6OmsQ4r6d9LkWtrFifz7KlNZY1USDxj1EOJHA96ACUIsDAThVEy4sztJKtSOndHQvAO5A4SlerpU3WAHx6y0teaQriggIPTXyI_iN_j7CT6ecjPT_LekDIFbFFXe-RiX4B7DeQdT/s1600/disgust.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgX_eHh6OmsQ4r6d9LkWtrFifz7KlNZY1USDxj1EOJHA96ACUIsDAThVEy4sztJKtSOndHQvAO5A4SlerpU3WAHx6y0teaQriggIPTXyI_iN_j7CT6ecjPT_LekDIFbFFXe-RiX4B7DeQdT/s1600/disgust.gif" height="166" width="400" /></a></h4>
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<br />40 minutes into the flight I just couldn't shake this pressing sense of despair. I wanted to talk to her...to somehow show her that I was a good and great person. Someone worth having a conversation with instead of...well instead of whatever her preconceived notions of me where. I swear I tried three or four times to talk with her, but each time my eyes would start to tear up and I would have to choke down a sob.</h4>
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<br />So instead I wrote her a letter on my phone. I never gave it to her but I still have it saved after all this time...</h4>
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<br /><i>"Excuse me. I know that I am a big girl & I'm sorry that you have the misfortune of being in the seat next to me. If there was something that I could do to make your flight more comfortable (maybe by moving to a different seat) I would gladly do so. </i><i><br /></i><i>I hate myself, my body, and how big I am. Please forgive me"</i></h4>
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<i><br /></i>Can you imagine ever thinking this way about yourself? Today I'm in a good place, a strong place where I can grieve for the girl that I was back then. To think that I ever felt like I needed to apologize for merely existing is heart breaking.</h4>
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<a name='more'></a>After I got home I kind of shut down. I stopped wanting to go places or do things that would put me in a similar position. I still dreamed of travel and having adventures but the emotional toll just wasn't worth it.<br />
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However, that is all changing. The weight is going to come off. I won't be above the maximum limits any longer & I can finally make plans to do some of the things I've always dreamed of. I'm also gaining some much need confidence when it comes to wanting to try new things.<br />
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So what do I want to do?<br />
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Well I'm glad you asked! Here is my wish list of all the things I want to do:<br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgK1gE8EV0o5YAsesYJzRdUWLpObkEbftAeC3dO8pcZu9H-MrwY4XHaX4xFU8TDnr4x7EYFnSZmsIQVcM4WUT2eyzc1Q8FZslvSRDZ7jH3kiNYIuPVKEu0qjlklgj5-gHQSXfXCX1T-w0-x/s1600/dog+sledding.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgK1gE8EV0o5YAsesYJzRdUWLpObkEbftAeC3dO8pcZu9H-MrwY4XHaX4xFU8TDnr4x7EYFnSZmsIQVcM4WUT2eyzc1Q8FZslvSRDZ7jH3kiNYIuPVKEu0qjlklgj5-gHQSXfXCX1T-w0-x/s1600/dog+sledding.gif" height="137" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small; text-align: start;">go dog sledding (weight limit 325)</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxGVvVu75r2NV0tIHtVuJHqasWFO0mLxO5n8kHSb64C-zo3SBiJkgIfMgxIr8CU7eh0yZaXekqhZyGK_umI2uxRmEMXLZf6YQinBC_DGpr34IYJRcpVn-LRQfN3ITZ7D6JeDmWtyJGymND/s1600/ziplining.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxGVvVu75r2NV0tIHtVuJHqasWFO0mLxO5n8kHSb64C-zo3SBiJkgIfMgxIr8CU7eh0yZaXekqhZyGK_umI2uxRmEMXLZf6YQinBC_DGpr34IYJRcpVn-LRQfN3ITZ7D6JeDmWtyJGymND/s1600/ziplining.gif" height="179" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small; text-align: start;">feel the wind in my face zip-lining (weight limit 270)</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0MqgIfAx0nLxU5zxTIEFX-82royqKY_q_qGURkgs98CwcWxV8jwmVskPDSIGKedVK_Cyqc9RPus7tB6bEobkfx92bYl6KqG8FiKOxUoOryI-1nkSbjYqX8F0U3ZTe2gempaxtgf3j0MA-/s1600/bungee+jumping.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0MqgIfAx0nLxU5zxTIEFX-82royqKY_q_qGURkgs98CwcWxV8jwmVskPDSIGKedVK_Cyqc9RPus7tB6bEobkfx92bYl6KqG8FiKOxUoOryI-1nkSbjYqX8F0U3ZTe2gempaxtgf3j0MA-/s1600/bungee+jumping.gif" height="320" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small; text-align: start;">Bungee Jump (sorry mom) (Weight limit 265)</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiu9ZFE5F5Xz9oiwGxSdpGWkdC_GxOCKGa4jpPu0sGAKgxfetVF5IuBvL0vCExNGpmN-lqlEcY7lzKtBfB2VnB38RGJ2Brnv9I_WSS1EU0ki0O839mF0gS4YKAwEP2meP3W8lll9qDsRrXv/s1600/trapeze.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiu9ZFE5F5Xz9oiwGxSdpGWkdC_GxOCKGa4jpPu0sGAKgxfetVF5IuBvL0vCExNGpmN-lqlEcY7lzKtBfB2VnB38RGJ2Brnv9I_WSS1EU0ki0O839mF0gS4YKAwEP2meP3W8lll9qDsRrXv/s1600/trapeze.gif" height="320" width="227" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small; text-align: start;">give it a go on the trapeze (weight limit 250)</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizsAe2MRVrSC1vVSfNtQoxU-nhyphenhyphenFjdC_2Thvd1czb9ZcvbJuRJD2BVYMEmJBjCt5hnmdEAJMOZ36HEOmd_RhoYlUi4J__-EDfAF16dmgbjM5M_usSrhmgZ9CeqmMNtduIIYcu0DHswfMbN/s1600/sky+diving+cat.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizsAe2MRVrSC1vVSfNtQoxU-nhyphenhyphenFjdC_2Thvd1czb9ZcvbJuRJD2BVYMEmJBjCt5hnmdEAJMOZ36HEOmd_RhoYlUi4J__-EDfAF16dmgbjM5M_usSrhmgZ9CeqmMNtduIIYcu0DHswfMbN/s1600/sky+diving+cat.gif" height="180" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small; text-align: start;">Sky dive (weight limit 240)</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4bUaI7gih4owWlRpBzz8Dc-W_TeGbpZtZ5spMVRINTdFvPj6L8UgjjKOfn42aISpG3fFUrKcSewsFqkHlbMHEsEfRsAcxffXjUacUodXo4X8vMvgrCiQUIDoVyG0f5tHh9_9fNaHV8u4Q/s1600/scuba+diving.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4bUaI7gih4owWlRpBzz8Dc-W_TeGbpZtZ5spMVRINTdFvPj6L8UgjjKOfn42aISpG3fFUrKcSewsFqkHlbMHEsEfRsAcxffXjUacUodXo4X8vMvgrCiQUIDoVyG0f5tHh9_9fNaHV8u4Q/s1600/scuba+diving.gif" height="196" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small; text-align: start;">Scuba dive (weight limit 175)</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggphnj_ejJil4bOjik7O_S6b6SRqvwnVQaQtTuq6V3C7XcjyV8C_CsU4xjLWkT3Bh_O486Wa-1PFZmfHGcVxOnTQqbJRV0-3wkzFOU2WiwmktdZ2eSyIp5R9vcXZe4PRS7YXi8cwlzCH_H/s1600/helicopter+ride.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; display: inline !important; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggphnj_ejJil4bOjik7O_S6b6SRqvwnVQaQtTuq6V3C7XcjyV8C_CsU4xjLWkT3Bh_O486Wa-1PFZmfHGcVxOnTQqbJRV0-3wkzFOU2WiwmktdZ2eSyIp5R9vcXZe4PRS7YXi8cwlzCH_H/s1600/helicopter+ride.gif" height="190" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small; text-align: start;">definitely and finally ride in a helicopter (weight limit 175)</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6nZvernfXOpPst1J2SvzJgR19fadf0B9BK5Xs43yWAOVOseXZpPPq1O-kMJX3km5oiHZHVyx-tXxc417IUH_VVCCe8t0R87vDA_UiufZTZoxtpnFAUcQmhOeb986lBPh2e6k5CL08py_7/s1600/surfing.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6nZvernfXOpPst1J2SvzJgR19fadf0B9BK5Xs43yWAOVOseXZpPPq1O-kMJX3km5oiHZHVyx-tXxc417IUH_VVCCe8t0R87vDA_UiufZTZoxtpnFAUcQmhOeb986lBPh2e6k5CL08py_7/s1600/surfing.gif" height="256" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small; text-align: start;">go surfing (weight limit unknown)</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTviixeBROSMqjrCC8e7oaMP8dSqavBkYt0EDf7ItezWiLizhJpqm7liJmeXghILUl0uYLFHLmk0OF-axQtVVN5ma3Chi02Cq83pEldY0I5ja8-NTYgTSU9lKElaZAgY56SEVtB8f2kMjY/s1600/rock+climbing.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTviixeBROSMqjrCC8e7oaMP8dSqavBkYt0EDf7ItezWiLizhJpqm7liJmeXghILUl0uYLFHLmk0OF-axQtVVN5ma3Chi02Cq83pEldY0I5ja8-NTYgTSU9lKElaZAgY56SEVtB8f2kMjY/s1600/rock+climbing.gif" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small; text-align: start;">try my hand at rock climbing (weight limit unknown)</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4uJUIJ5gJtVoUvIfNiSOS-k1nH9kmYoO0vEbvR0xFh0XTqCXjzTrQ2HLbxZde1rY89E5C-SH4V-Hdgx2ArFDthfJPB0LyHVim6EN6oe1qQdkAN9vEw5bLW1lkipBo_trA2_nGTVbkqJZw/s1600/wedding+2002.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4uJUIJ5gJtVoUvIfNiSOS-k1nH9kmYoO0vEbvR0xFh0XTqCXjzTrQ2HLbxZde1rY89E5C-SH4V-Hdgx2ArFDthfJPB0LyHVim6EN6oe1qQdkAN9vEw5bLW1lkipBo_trA2_nGTVbkqJZw/s1600/wedding+2002.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small; text-align: start;">I would also love to renew my vows.</span></td></tr>
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Of course I know a lot of these will probably never happen but there is possibility in my life now & I can dream of making these a reality. After all, what's going to hold me back now?Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15468141500588210433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-354473100888986299.post-66352394833441607562015-03-23T08:17:00.001-07:002015-03-23T08:17:22.072-07:00At the end of week 7...Today is the start of week 8 for me but the end of week 7 was a rough one.<br />
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I'm happy to say that I didn't binge on what I wanted. I went to bed & woke up with determination to rock this week & an appreciation what I have done in the last several weeks & how far I've come.</div>
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I mean losing 30 pounds in 6 weeks and 14 inches in 37 days is nothing to scoff at.</div>
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Seven weeks ago, on January 27th, I walked into the gym feeling out of breath. My back was already starting to hurt from just walking across the parking lot and my mind...ha my mind was in overdrive trying to convince me to go back home.<br />
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After all, I had joined a gym before. I had exercised and watched what I ate before and it had ALWAYS ended the same way...with me stopping before I had ever given it a real chance. (That's for another blog post) So what made this time different? At the time it didn't feel different. I was sad & depressed about my life, my health, and it all felt hopeless. Sound familiar?<br />
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Looking back, the differences are obvious. First, I decided to do it for me. I wasn't in it to be skinny. I didn't want it for my husband, my son, my mom, my friends...no I wanted this for me. I was giving all of my time & energy to everyone & everything around me with no consideration for myself, and it got to the point that in my head I was screaming "What about me?".<br />
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Didn't I love myself enough to be happy? Or what about enough to take care of my body? When you let yourself get to 390 lbs, there is probably a good chance that "you" haven't been a priority for a very long time and 7 weeks ago I decided to change that.<br />
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Now, when I say that I just decided to change I don't want it to sound like it was as simple as just doing it. If only it was that easy. See, I firmly believed that if I took an hour or two for myself I was being selfish. As a mom & a wife, I had things to do & places to be. Setting time aside for the gym was going to take important time away from everything else that needed my attention! That natural instinct to care for others over self is a hard nut to crack & I had many, many fits over it.<br />
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I must have looked like a lunatic...arguing with myself about how there wasn't enough time to go to the gym, drive Steven to work, go to work myself, clean the house, and make dinner. As it turns out, adjustments needed to be made but there was time to get it all done after all. And here's the kicker...my family is better off for it. I am a happier, (getting) healthier mom with more energy to do all of the things that I need to get done.<br />
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The 2nd difference...I'm talking about it.<br />
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My past attempts to lose weight were secretive, lonely, & isolating events since the fact that I was overweight was such a secret (can you feel the sarcasm?). If I didn't address the issue than the issue wasn't there, right? For some examples that mindset might work but when it comes to being 390 lbs...not by a long shot.<br />
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Choosing to talk about my weight openly & honestly has been a terrifying but ultimately rewarding experience that has made all the difference in the world. My story & what I have been doing...I didn't think anyone would listen. After all, who would care or could relate to what I'm going through?!<br />
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Never have I been so happy to be wrong. The answer to who would care or could relate is A LOT! Everyday I get to meet & talk with someone that understands. The fact that I am not alone in this is a pretty powerful idea that makes the hard days survivable.<br />
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<b>If you happen to be one of the many people that I have gotten to talk to...let me just say thank you. For you to give me some of your time & to feel comfortable enough to talk about your own struggles with me...it touches my heart in ways that I will never be able to explain.</b><br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15468141500588210433noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-354473100888986299.post-6332746481105956902015-03-05T07:08:00.000-08:002015-03-05T07:10:33.736-08:00What kind of potatoes do you want with that?Pop quiz: What do two 10 lb bags of russet potatoes & 2 packages of bacon and I have in common?<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWVWq_UFamsC069yP8EXPJdQNZpL8W_C9YdI42NZCun44m__aXpluPsNaXh117PPaS7JSnZ2BgVX1Jyj3mIyMb_QJ2grf0BO-Y5GOZ6rrmYBOHLTAA0UFw5EmpSdLAQGbGRfp7x18dZqYU/s1600/22_2+lb+weightloss.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWVWq_UFamsC069yP8EXPJdQNZpL8W_C9YdI42NZCun44m__aXpluPsNaXh117PPaS7JSnZ2BgVX1Jyj3mIyMb_QJ2grf0BO-Y5GOZ6rrmYBOHLTAA0UFw5EmpSdLAQGbGRfp7x18dZqYU/s1600/22_2+lb+weightloss.jpg" height="244" width="400" /></a></div>
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<a name='more'></a>Well those bags of potatoes and slabs of bacon weigh in at 22 lbs and that happens to be what I've lost so far! I mean look at it....I've lost that from my body. It's such a freeing feeling to know that weight is gone & I'm looking forward to the day where I can compare my weight loss to something much bigger. For example an irish setter at 70 lbs or a the average 5'11 fashion model at 117 lbs. Yep I am TOTALLY ready to lose a fashion model.<br />
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When I weighed in this last Monday it was fantastic to see that I had lost something other than my mind. In truth, I stepped on the scale expecting to see a gain of some sort. The weekend was rough and I found myself unable to deal with my emotions in any other way than to eat them.<br />
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Apparently I don't do well with grief...<br />
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Last week I got a puppy. His name was...that's a different story since it changed twice in the short amount of time that we had him. I instantly fell in love with him much to the dismay of my other pups. Not to mention that I have a pretty big heart and when I love something or someone it's instant & forever. So here I was in week four: losing weight, life is good at home, and I have a new puppy. Basically life was good except my other dogs were having a hard time dealing with the new addition. By Friday Steven and I made the decision that the puppy wasn't the right fit for us & I took him back to the shelter.<br />
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From the moment I hopped in the truck I was a ball of emotion. I felt sad, depressed, and alone. The whole drive to Missoula sucked. Surrendering Chief back to the shelter was gut wrenching. The drive home was damn near impossible. When I got home I felt hollow.<br />
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Have you ever felt that hollow feeling of loss whether it's of your own making or not? The empty & sad feelings made me feel desperate to erase or fill the space with something else. So this weekend that's exactly what I did. I ate cake and had pasta. I eat past being full & didn't even think twice on the amount of calories I was shoving in my mouth. Yes, Saturday was a day of excess.<br />
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The part that was different was that I knew what I was doing was an emotional response. I knew that I was being destructive towards everything I had worked for in the past month...I kept eating but I knew. That knowing made a difference. Maybe not at first but it did help to break the cycle a heck of a lot sooner.<br />
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Sunday I felt guilty in addition to being sad. It was like "What the hell did I just do?!". Even now, thinking about all the crap I ate makes me a bit upset. I truly had no self-control and knowing that pisses me off (pardon the language on that but it's the truth). I had no tools or skills to fall back on to help me get through the moment. I didn't reach out to anyone. I didn't try anything else. I just did what the old me would do. UGH!<br />
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By Monday I had re-committed to doing this right. To moving more, eating right, and dealing with my emotions in a way that's better for me & my waistline. That isn't to say I was excited to get on the scale. I knew what I had done & I was positive the scale was going to reflect that..100% sure of it.<br />
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Who knew I could like being wrong?<br />
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I know that I screwed up this weekend, but I learned that screwing up isn't the end of the world. Working my butt off in the gym makes those rare moments of weakness not as damaging.<br />
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Lesson learned, yes? Man I hope so.<br />
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This week I'm putting the puppy behind me. He found a home the very next day & my pups at home are back to being themselves. So this week I'm focusing on the fact that I am less that 5 lbs away from being 1/8th of the way done with my ultimate goal & almost 1/2 way towards my 6 month goal after the first month.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15468141500588210433noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-354473100888986299.post-6239451111144055592015-02-25T11:33:00.000-08:002015-02-25T11:33:13.804-08:00Four weeks down...As of yesterday (February 24th 2015) I will have been working out & really focusing on me for an entire month.<br />
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The first two weeks were really amazing. I lost a little over 16 pounds, my energy was higher than it has ever been, and I was excited to have this new routine in my life. The third week saw me struggle a bit.<br />
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Valentine's Day happened and my sodium intake was probably a bit higher than it should have been. I stepped on the scale & had gained 3 pounds. I won't lie & say that I took it in stride...that I just shrugged it off and went to workout. No, I freaked out a bit & found myself doing things that the old me would do. I started thinking that it wasn't worth it. I thought that taking a day off from the exercise & healthy eating would be ok. I mean I worked my tail off in the gym...sweated till it was covering everything and I still gained?!<br />
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In near tears I headed for the door of the gym. The plan was to go home & sulk. Those numbers were defeating me & I was going to let them sabotage the rest of my day. Heck, I probably would have let it ruin the rest of my week, but as I was walking out I decided to stop by Jenny's desk. Man am I glad that I did.<br />
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The high salt intake over week three had me retaining water. Never before had I stopped to consider what that meant but WOW now I know it is a real thing. My conversation with Jenny and my trainer, Jen, left me feeling hopeful that this wasn't a defining moment to showcase something else that I had failed at. With a renewed optimism I went and worked out. I drank a ton of water & really focused on what I what for the next 24 hours which led me to losing 3 lbs. 3LBS!!<br />
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The rest of the third week, I held onto that 3 lbs like a life preserver. Anytime I started doubting myself or consider eating like crap I would reach for that 3 lb reminder. Did it help? Definitely. Did it help every time? No. I am still in the progress of breaking a lifetime of bad habits...both mentally & physically. In a perfect world I would make no mistakes & my habits would correct themselves with little effort on my part. Yes that would be a perfect world, but I don't live there.<br />
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I live in a world where daily I am stressed over something. In a world where I still want to reach for food to deal with that stress. I haven't yet but there are times where it is truly it's own workout to say no & change directions.<br />
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When week four rolled around I was still focusing on what I had learned in week 3. I was in the gym twice a day & feeling good. That was until Thursday morning where I woke up with some of the worst back pain I have felt in a long time. Sitting up straight was a challenge. Sitting slouched over was difficult. Simply put I was miserable.<br />
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For a brief moment I considered canceling my time with my trainer & crawling back into bed, but that is what I have done my whole life. I don't want to be that person anymore so I met with Jen for my session. By the end of it I was feeling a bit better. And by that I mean I could sit slouched without tearing up.<br />
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After the gym I decided to go see my chiropractor up in Kalispell. It was a bit of an insane spur-of-the-moment decision to travel so far but Dr Neiter is totally worth it. My visit with him had me walking straight with little to no pain at all. I really need to convince him to move to this area lol.<br />
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The next 2 days I was traveling back home. Between the weather & a late night hanging out with a friend, I didn't have time or try to make the time to get in any sort of a workout and man o man did I notice it. I felt sluggish and slow. My motivation disappeared so much so that by Monday I wanted to do nothing but sit. It really amazes me how easily I can slip back into old habits.<br />
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Just when I think I have a handle on the situation I will go off track in one way or another. I guess I should give myself more than a couple weeks to create new habits? And maybe I shouldn't be so hard on myself. At least I'm better than I was when this started a month ago.<br />
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All of that brings me to the start of week 5....how about I put that part in a video. If you've read this far you deserve a break :D<br />
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<iframe width="320" height="266" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/aQoM7blc7SM/0.jpg" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/aQoM7blc7SM?feature=player_embedded" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15468141500588210433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-354473100888986299.post-47879219124093560152015-02-12T16:08:00.001-08:002015-02-12T16:08:47.805-08:0017 days down...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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What do these three bags of sugar and 3 1/2 blocks of butter mean to you? <br />
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<span style="text-align: start;">Yes it could be for cookies but...</span></div>
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To me, it represents the 18.4 pounds that I have lost over the last 17 days!!!<br />
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That's over a pound a day, folks!<br />
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The amount of energy and the confidence that I have gained in just this short amount of time is amazing. Don't get me wrong! I know that I have a long road ahead of me (after all 215 lbs is a huge amount of weight to lose) but wow am I excited to be doing this.<br />
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I find myself excited to wake up and go to the gym. On the days that I have time with my trainers, I'm always early. The Ridge really is becoming my home away from home. Perhaps I should just move in HA.<br />
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As for progress, I have a difficult time giving myself credit. The lost weight is easy since it's a simple number, but other milestones are just so damn difficult to recognise. I guess my lower back could be one. When I started, I couldn't walk from one end of the gym to the other without excruciating pain going through my lower back. Now I can handle an entire workout without feeling it at all. In fact, I don't think that it has hurt at all in almost a week. See...recognised progress.<br />
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I also don't see much change physically. Others have commented on it but I just can't see it. Perhaps when my chin goes from a double to a single I will... *fingers crossed*. I will say that my pants are much bigger than they used to be. I can actually wear them straight out of the dryer with little resistance. That I DO know is an accomplishment. <br />
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Along with all the great & good of this journey are the bad & difficult moments.</div>
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As of today, I'm dealing with being hurt. I don't know exactly what is wrong but I heard/felt a slight pop in my left calf. Walking is difficult & flexing my foot is an Olympic event. The old me would have used this an excuse to "take a break" from working out but now...well now I just know that I will have to work around my leg to get it done. I mean my calf is only half of one leg...I have two arms, a core, & another leg that can be worked out. I predict much more time in the pool while this sucker heals. YAY I love the smell of chlorine in the morning! </div>
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Now, I'm off to ice my leg & watch some Netflix</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15468141500588210433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-354473100888986299.post-84277232253277091032015-01-29T07:20:00.001-08:002015-01-29T14:12:22.913-08:00StressedAfter my workout yesterday, I got a call from my husband. Normally our conversations are the typical "How's your day? How are you feeling" sort of thing but this one was different.<br />
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As I have mentioned in the past, Steven has a pretty horrible back injury that has left him in incredible amounts of pain for almost ten years. We have struggle to find ways to help him manage the pain or to find a VA doctor that would help correct the issue. Since our move to the Bozeman area, we have been lucky enough to find a bit of both & the VA is in the process of getting a spinal fusion surgery approved. This in itself is the miracle we have been praying for, but this miracle doesn't come without it's own set of problems.</div>
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See the recovery time for something like this is usually 3 or more months & Steven's work will only cover a month of LOA at full pay. So now we are faced with the option of Steven potentially getting better but at the cost of not being able to pay our bills...like our mortgage. </div>
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The stress of this has been killing me. I had a full blown panic attack last night - complete with tears, hyperventilating, chest pain...and to top it off a bloody nose. You could say that I was a complete mess. Before I started making changes to be a better me, I would have turned to a nice piece of chocolate cake to comfort me through all of this, but last night I didn't want that to be an option so I was left with this overwhelming problem and no way of dealing with it. </div>
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I'm headed off to the gym in a about five minutes with nothing in my stomach (since I can't hold anything down right now), on 4 hours of sleep (since I couldn't stop thinking and worrying), and a confused mind & heart. Today, I really don't know how I'm going to do this.<br />
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*update*<br />
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I found how to do it. There are is an amazing group of people at The Ridge that helped me focus on me instead of what was going on at home. I worked out with Jen for a hour, my muscles are exhausted but my mind feels a bit more centered.<br />
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I still have no idea how we are going to handle Steven's surgery and the recovery but somehow we'll manage.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15468141500588210433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-354473100888986299.post-1920963778718767152015-01-27T20:22:00.001-08:002015-01-27T20:28:14.203-08:00Starting pointToday, I got up & was excited about what I had going on. I was meeting with, Jackie, my health coach & then with Jen, one of my trainers.<br />
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Talking with Jackie was comfortable. Don't get me wrong - We talked about uncomfortable issues but she is easy to talk with which made the whole process much easier. I really do think that having a health coach has been a vital missing link. With Jackie I'm going to be looking at the whys and the hows which will help me understand and manage my food/weight issues.<br />
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Up next was my meeting with Jen. She seems kind and understanding but driven & passionate about what she is doing. We started out with a bit of Q & A and then headed to the locker room to get acquainted with the scale. Now, I love the scale most of the time. I love that it is unbiased & a clear fact. A scale doesn't lie or get mad. It doesn't judge you as you stand there all vulnerable. It just does it's job and tells you where you're at. Well, it did it's job and certainly told be where I'm at...390.8 lbs.<br />
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Am I embarrassed but that number? YES! Am I ashamed? No. It is what it is and all I can do is go forward. Getting angry or being ashamed is only going to make me focus on the number. I have better things to focus on...like making it a smaller one :D<br />
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So after the scale Jen put me on a treadmill. I started feeling pain in my back after a minute and a half. The side of my calves started cramping after 5 minutes. By 7 minutes I was reconsidering this whole thing but I pushed past it and made it to ten minutes. It's not much but for me, right now, it's a victory.<br />
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After the treadmill there were squats and bicep curls. The curls felt familiar, but the squats? My quads were killing me. My hope is that tomorrow I can do better than today & when you think about it...that's all anyone can really hope for. I just want to be a better me than the day before.<br />
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After I was done I could barely walk but somehow managed to make it to my car.<br />
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I made it home & really had to fight the negative thoughts that had started creeping in. You know the ones...the ones where you question if this is possible or the ones where you just tear yourself down for the pitiful state that your health is in. It seems to be an automatic response for me but I really & truly want to change that.<br />
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Jenny's spidey senses must have been tingling because she gave me a call and said all the things that I needed to hear. I got off the phone with a renewed attitude and went about my day being conscious of the choices that I was making.<br />
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All in all, I am glad that I went to the gym today & that I know where I'm starting from.<br />
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Oh and I wanted to share this with you. My son, Caleb, has been very supportive & understanding considering his age. He is a main source of motivation and I couldn't be prouder to call him my kid.<br />
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Until next time<br />
-Cat<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15468141500588210433noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-354473100888986299.post-63710403305443803282015-01-24T19:41:00.000-08:002015-01-24T19:41:21.467-08:00The Opportunity of a Lifetime...In an effort to really and I mean REALLY lose this weight that I have tried over and over and over to lose, I made a call to the local gym here in Bozeman. I spoke with a really nice lady named Emily. She took my info and promised to have someone give me a call back. <div>
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Now, I believe that some people are just meant to be in your life. Call it divine intervention or fate if you will but some are just meant to affect the course of your life. That's where Jenny enters the picture. She called me back & with that one conversation my world started to change.</div>
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I met with her a few days later to tour the facility & to meet a few of the other...I'm going to call them angels because they really are! I had emailed my video letter to Chris Powell and my Extreme Makeover submission to them prior to my visit. In other words they already knew where I was coming from. We talked about what my life was like and what I wanted. There were tears shed during the conversation. I mean this is ME we are talking about & the topic is a pretty darn emotional subject for me. At the end of the meeting, I felt excited, nervous but above all I felt hopeful. </div>
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On Friday, I went back to discuss options and walked out of there with an entire plan! As of Tuesday January 27th 2015, I will be working with not one but TWO trainers, a small group of people that know the struggle, and a health coach!! Take a moment and re-read that last sentence. Go ahead, I'll wait...</div>
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Awesome huh?!</div>
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I know that I have so much work ahead of me, but this really is an opportunity of a lifetime. I am pumped and ready to do this with their guidance and support system. </div>
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Now, I just have to go and buy some shoes and if you know me I really hate shoes but something tells me I won't get away with wearing flip flops.</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15468141500588210433noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-354473100888986299.post-40528803483842870422015-01-21T12:45:00.000-08:002015-01-21T12:45:25.775-08:00Day 1...the remixOh hey hello there! It's but quite awhile since I've posted anything. Since March of 2014 to be precise & I don't really have a good reason for my absence.<br />
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So what has been going on since I last posted? Thanks for asking...you're very kind! Well, we moved to Belgrade and I stopped focusing on my weight loss. That's about all that has happened really in the past almost year.<br />
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My husband has been struggling health-wise & it was just easier to focus on being there for him. Ok, maybe easier isn't the best word to use...but it was certainly a great excuse to not look at myself much. Steven's health is still what it is...it needs improving, but I'm done not looking at myself.<br />
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I mean come on, I'm great. I think...sometimes.<br />
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The point is that I've come to realize that I'm worth focusing on. To start, I made a phone call to <a href="http://www.ridgeathletic.com/" target="_blank">The Ridge Athletic Club</a> in Bozeman which led me to meeting with some of their wonderful staff. I really can't put into words how I felt when I left there today. Hopeful maybe...or excited...or even nervous but in a good way. The opportunity that I have is what dream are made of. It will be a sweaty, hard-working, and sometimes difficult one but still a dream.<br />
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So here I am...starting over again but with more hope and determination that this time isn't going to end like all the others.<br />
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Today, I am going to weigh myself (not looking forward to that part), take measurements, and remain positive. After All, those numbers might be what I am right now but they don't define my future.<br />
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Until next time - CatAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15468141500588210433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-354473100888986299.post-27668211630131028412014-03-24T18:39:00.000-07:002014-03-24T18:55:42.452-07:00Should I try again?It's fun that I'm considering auditioning for the #BiggestLoser this year when right around this time last year I was in my car driving down to Salt Lake City to audition for Extreme Makeover Weightloss Edition. It was a spur of the moment type decision that had me go through two call backs & believing that I might make it to the final casting. In the end I didn't receive a call and I was devastated.<br />
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Not getting a callback last year felt like a validation for all the worry, self-doubt, and insecurities that I have cocooned myself in my entire life. You know, the feelings that I wasn't fat-pretty enough, not interesting enough....I could go on BUT if there is one thing this last year has taught me....all the negative crap isn't worth it. Don't get me wrong, I have bad days/weeks where I don't see the point in trying. Days where it is such a big obstacle to overcome that I can feel exhausted just thinking about it.<br />
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Perfect example -Today. Today was a rough one.<br />
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Steven's migraine was on day three and he had started to have chest pains which meant that we were headed to the ER. While I was sitting in the tiny little room, holding my husband's hand as he was passed out, I looked down and just felt despair.<br />
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What a cruel joke that I AM the healthiest one in my little family. Right now, I can care for Steven the way he needs but how long can that last? I've lost bits of weight and gained it back for awhile now. I just can't seem to grasp the concept firmly enough to be permanent. I need someone to guide me, to help me find my way (I realize that sounds corny but its the only way I know how to say it).<br />
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Despite how much it hurt to not be chosen last time, I want to try again. The casting info calls for former athletes. I've never considered myself a "real" athlete because of my weight but someone very kind pointed out, "If you could powerlift with the football team & place at a state meet...you my friend were an athlete!"<br />
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Maybe they are right. Maybe I still am...just under a very dense layer of insulation. Heck, maybe I will audition!<br />
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Anyone have a couch I can crash on for a few days in April? Better yet, anyone want to go with me and audition? : )<br />
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<img src="https://scontent-a-sjc.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/t1.0-9/1524616_10151952318100981_1819974708_n.jpg" /><br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15468141500588210433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-354473100888986299.post-26009749658294707072014-03-04T08:34:00.001-08:002014-03-04T08:34:49.453-08:00Real life fluffy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
So when I get bored I make things on photoshop...</div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15468141500588210433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-354473100888986299.post-10835659917240151522014-01-07T14:59:00.001-08:002014-01-07T16:17:59.678-08:00Salmon Cakes<br />
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A few days ago I made these puppies for lunch & a few people on my FB asked for the recipe.</div>
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This was put together out of staple items I had in my pantry and fridge...and I didn't measure cuz who's got time for that?! That being said,, all the measured ingredients are best-guesstimates.</div>
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Salmon Cakes</div>
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3 servings</div>
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<b>Ingredients:</b></div>
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12 oz of canned <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Bear-Wolf-Salmon-Alaskan-6-Count/dp/B003XP5ZEA" target="_blank">pink salmon</a>, drained and flaked</div>
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1/2 red onion, diced</div>
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1/2 c chopped <a href="http://www.target.com/p/mezzetta-roasted-red-bell-peppers-15-oz/-/A-13340238?ref=tgt_adv_XSG10001&AFID=Google_PLA_df&LNM=%7C13340238&CPNG=Unassigned&kpid=13340238&LID=PA&ci_src=17588969&ci_sku=13340238&gclid=CKbRqM6O7bsCFQtBQgodbEgA3g" target="_blank">roasted red bell pepper</a></div>
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1/2 to 1 tbsp <a href="http://www2.costco.com/Browse/Product.aspx?prodid=11601678&whse=bd_823&topnav=bd&cat=10708&hierPath=10035*&lang=en-US" target="_blank">minced garlic</a></div>
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up to 1/2 c <a href="http://www.walmart.com/ip/Progresso-Plain-Panko-Crispy-Bread-Crumbs-8-oz/10320633" target="_blank">panko bread crumbs</a></div>
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2 tsp onion power</div>
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2 tsp garlic powder</div>
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1 egg</div>
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salt & pepper to taste, optional</div>
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1 tbsp butter </div>
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6 tbsp <a href="http://www.walmart.com/ip/Kraft-Salad-Dressing-Dressing-Marinade-Tuscan-House-Italian-16-Fl-oz/10295726" target="_blank">Kraft Tuscan Italian Dressing</a></div>
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3 c romaine lettuce, torn</div>
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<b>Directions</b></div>
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Mix the salmon and the next 6 ingredients together in a bowl until well combined. Taste the mix before adding the egg. If you are going to use salt & pepper, add it now but remember that the Italian dressing adds a lot of flavor so S&P are not necessary. </div>
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Add the egg to the mixture and combined.</div>
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Form mixture into patties. (I was able to create 6 patties of the same size and thickness) Your patties are fragile and will fall apart if you do not "smush" them together. Also, when handling them be very careful. They can break apart on your.</div>
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In a large non-stick frying pan, heat the butter over med. heat until melted. Lay the salmon cakes in the pan and let cook undisturbed for 3-4 minutes. Using a spatula, gently flip the cakes over and cook for another 3-4 minutes. *The cakes are still fairly fragile until both sides have been cooked* </div>
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Your cakes are done with both sides look like the picture...think crisp golden deliciousness.</div>
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To serve place 1 c of torn romaine lettuce on a plate and top with 2 salmon cakes & drizzle 2 tbsp of Italian dressing over both.</div>
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The cakes do well in the fridge and heat up nicely if you want to double the batch so you have lunch for the next few days. I have never tried to freeze them but wouldn't recommend it.</div>
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Try the dish out and let me know what you think. If you have any questions, feel free to ask.</div>
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-Cat</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15468141500588210433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-354473100888986299.post-459474550244582902014-01-04T10:37:00.001-08:002014-01-04T10:37:55.409-08:00This kind of dancing is contagious...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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What's that you say? Why am I so happy and dancing like a fool? Well...I stepped on the scale today. Usually doing so doesn't elicit anything other than a sad shake of the head and a small pep talk BUT today it was all happy dance for the scale read 342. Do you see that number? For those that are counting, that's a loss of 36 lbs! Take a moment and happy dance with me!!</div>
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That felt good right? Added bonus...celebratory dancing counts as cardio, ya know.</div>
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I'm also jazzed by the fact that today I'm able to wear a sweatshirt that I have never been able to wear. A couple of years ago I bought this kick-ass sweatshirt. I had wanted to buy it in my size but the store didn't have any available (in truth I don't think they carry them at all but what else is new?!). The lack of availability didn't stop me tho. I bought the next size and set it with the others.</div>
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What others you ask?</div>
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Oh come on! I can't be the only person that buys clothes that they want to fit into...ya know "GOAL CLOTHES". Hmmm maybe I am the only one that does it. My husband certainly thinks so & questions it at least once a year.</div>
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Anywho, after stepping on the scale I dared to go into my closet. Losing weight is one thing, but being able to fit into clothes that you have never been able to fit into before...well that just feels awesome. Typically I wear a pair of jeans and a dark grey shirt, but I have so many cute girly clothes that I want to wear. This is going to be the year that I get to take the tags off the clothes and wear them!!</div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15468141500588210433noreply@blogger.com2