The last time I posted it was mid-October. I received an email
that broke me a bit if I'm being completely honest. These entries...this
blog is me being raw & as honest as I possibly can be. Just talking about
my weight issues, in any form, is a huge step from where I was a few years ago,
but putting all the confusing emotions into words is an extreme struggle each
and every time.
The email that I received said that I was
disgusting and shouldn't put my picture/weight out there for everyone to see. I
have hid myself away for so long believing that very thing & it has taken
such a long time to feel ok with talking about who I am...fat and all.
I didn't respond to the email but I did
let the words soak into my soul like a black ooze. I've been down, sad...broken
for months and haven't talked about it. At the time it felt like a "don't
tell" approach was the best idea. Mom was dealing with "maybe"
cancer in the lungs. My husband is constantly dealing with excruciating back
pain and my issues just seem small when compared. The problem with not telling,
not talking is there is no outlet for the pain. Turning to the blog was my way
dealing, but after the letter I didn't think I should post anymore.
Do you see the never ending circle of
needing to talk but then feeling like I can't? The last few months have sucked,
but with the new year comes changes. I've received a hell of a lot more messages
of support and understanding & I'm sorry that I let that one letter
sidetrack me.
I didn't do anything wrong by sharing what
I going through. I'm not the only one who is dealing with weight and there are
definitely not enough people talking through it (I know...I was one of those
that couldn't or wouldn't for a very long time).
I'm still here, still dealing &
struggling, still hopeful for 2014.
If you are reading this, dealing with your
own weight, or just supportive of those who are struggling - talk &
comment.
Adios to 2013 and to the hateful people that
feel better by being cruel to others.
-Cat
