Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Absent at the end of '13

The last time I posted it was mid-October. I received an email that broke me a bit if I'm being completely honest.  These entries...this blog is me being raw & as honest as I possibly can be. Just talking about my weight issues, in any form, is a huge step from where I was a few years ago, but putting all the confusing emotions into words is an extreme struggle each and every time.

The email that I received said that I was disgusting and shouldn't put my picture/weight out there for everyone to see. I have hid myself away for so long believing that very thing & it has taken such a long time to feel ok with talking about who I am...fat and all. 

I didn't respond to the email but I did let the words soak into my soul like a black ooze. I've been down, sad...broken for months and haven't talked about it. At the time it felt like a "don't tell" approach was the best idea. Mom was dealing with "maybe" cancer in the lungs. My husband is constantly dealing with excruciating back pain and my issues just seem small when compared. The problem with not telling, not talking is there is no outlet for the pain. Turning to the blog was my way dealing, but after the letter I didn't think I should post anymore. 

Do you see the never ending circle of needing to talk but then feeling like I can't? The last few months have sucked, but with the new year comes changes. I've received a hell of a lot more messages of support and understanding & I'm sorry that I let that one letter sidetrack me. 

I didn't do anything wrong by sharing what I going through. I'm not the only one who is dealing with weight and there are definitely not enough people talking through it (I know...I was one of those that couldn't or wouldn't for a very long time).

I'm still here, still dealing & struggling, still hopeful for 2014.

If you are reading this, dealing with your own weight, or just supportive of those who are struggling - talk & comment. 


Adios to 2013 and to the hateful people that feel better by being cruel to others.

-Cat

8 comments:

  1. That person is so very ignorant Cat. You are AWESOME! Revealing the truth, especially when it involves a scale, is a huge huge step. let that persons email reside in '13. In a couple hours '14 starts and that email is a distant memory. You continue to be awesome, taking awesome pictures, loving your husband and son, and just doing your best to change the situation you're in and reaching the goals you have set for yourself. I believe in you. And if you need to vent just get in touch.

    Best wishes with each footstep you take forward.
    ~Zak~

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  2. Great post, continue to be bold and courageous. God has only made one of you, you truey are one of akind.

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  3. Great post, continue to be bold and courageous. God has only made one of you, you truey are one of akind.

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  4. What a sad person to send you that email! I hope that you continue being you and learning to be open. :) It's so helpful to you and to those around you!

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  5. I just got started here and I don't want to lose you on here or any other way. I feel Iike I have been in a therapy session today...And I needed it! Thank you little sister.

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  6. I am just catching up on your blog. I am so sorry this person said such horrible things. People can be so cruel and it makes you wonder what kind of miserable life this person has for them to say such awful things. I love your blog and I admire you for putting yourself out there and I believe you can do anything you set your mind to. I also wanted to say that societies view of beauty sucks, every photo and movie the actresses have been photoshopped to unrealistic proportions and yet people strive to look like people that don't even exist. Beauty isn't about weight their are dozens of other things that make a person beautiful. God made YOU beautiful so don't let other peoples hate get you down. I'm rooting for you!

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  7. How incredibly miserable that person must be, to not have ANYTHING better to do than to pick on someone who is kind and courageous and working toward a better life for not only herself but for her family. I know you know all of these things, and you know to let go of their hateful words, but don't just let go of their darkness. Send them a little of your light (even just sending them positive energy, wishing better for them). I'm obviously not condoning their behavior, because it was atrocious behavior, but the best thing you can do is kill 'em with kindness (and by letting them watch you get awesome and have a great life, while theirs is so clearly lacking in positive experiences).

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  8. Hi Cat, just found your blog and can totally relate. Let the sad, miserable person drown in his own hate and just continue to flaunt it :) Thumbs up :)

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