You know, you
grow up learning how to do things a certain way. You watch those that you live with, learning
how they doing things and you mimic them.
Those habits then become who you are when you finally leave the nest and
live on your own.
Now, some of
those habits are wonderful…helpful even.
I can thank my mom for teaching me to always rinse my plates/bowls out
when they are put in the sink (don’t faint, mom! It’s shocking that it sunk in…I
know!) . My Aunt gave me the habit of ALWAYS hanging the bath mat over the edge
of the tub when you are done showering. See these habits are helpful, and let me look
like less of a slob.
Some habits…well,
some habits suck! They are the type of
habits that ruin your health, your self-esteem, and your confidence. I refuse
to lay blame with my upbringing for these types of issues. Yes, I did learn a lot of them growing up,
but now that I’m an adult I take full responsibility. Being master of my own destiny and all that…I
can’t say I’m in charge of who I am to be if I keep looking back to blame
people from my past.
To be honest,
I really felt like I had a handle on my bad habits. I had not eaten anything from a drive-thru or
a gas station. I made sure that the only
thing to pass my lips past 7 pm was water.
I didn't make a single joke about myself to make others laugh. I didn't make any excuses to get out of
exercising. I have been well behaved and
a different person lately…that was until Tuesday.
On Tuesday I
drove up to Glacier for some time with my camera. Like I have done in the past, I stopped at
the gas station on the way out of town to fill up the gas tank. I swear that was all I was going to do, but
BAM next thing I know I've gone in the store and bought all sorts of junk food
for the trip. The old me used to do this
all the time. She would go and buy a bag
of chips, a couple of candy bars, and a few bottles of water. But the new me is
different. I didn't even realize what I
had done until I was in the car and 10 miles down the road!
At first, I
was disappointed in myself and in the fact that I was doing something the old
me would do. I must have looked like a
loon talking to myself…swearing that I would take them to Steven’s work so I wasn't tempted. HA! I should have known
better. What I should have done is stop and thrown it all away (except the water…we
all need our water!). Well, half way up
Glacier I was stuck in construction and got bored. Yep! I broke open the chips.
See, my
BIGGEST bad habit is eating when I’m not hungry…just bored. It’s such a simple thing but so damn hard to
break myself of. At home, I have been
doing really well with avoiding the “I’m bored so let’s see what there is to
munch on” feeling, but in that car I wasn’t able to face down the temptation.
The good news
is that I didn't give in to my second bad habit of making myself feel
guilty. In the past I would have let the
fact that I ate when I was bored get to me.
I would put myself down, which would leave me feeling like “I am never
going to lose any weight because I can’t make it a single day without screwing
up!!” Feeling like this would cause
emotional eating, my third bad habit!
Do you see
where I’m going with this? One bad habit
would lead to another and another and another!
In the end I would be left feeling sick from over-eating, sad for how I
was seeing myself, and feeling that there was no hope that anything would ever
change.
Yes, I
stumbled and I could have done better BUT I looked at it for what it was…a
mistake. In that moment I realized that
I’m going to slip up occasionally and that I need to learn from it and move on.
Realizing and accepting that it was a
one-time mistake kept me from putting myself down, feeling bad, and comforting
with food. One bad habit resurfaced but
THAT WAS ALL!
So now I know that I need to be uber-aware of
my actions when I’m doing something familiar.
I can’t rely on auto-pilot and expect a different outcome until I have changed
my habits for the better.
