Friday, July 19, 2013
Monday, July 15, 2013
The numbers of eating and losing
I'm a self admitted math nerd! There I said it and can't take it back. I love numbers...some more then others...for instances I'm not a big fan of the numbers on the scale, but I love most. They are constant and reveal a ton information if you just know how to read into it properly.
Along with going to the gym I'm also re-evaluating what foods are around my family. You can't work your actual butt off in the gym only to come home to a big mac and fries and see results (trust me I know this from personal experience). A typical day before I changed my ways would include a frappe in the morning on the way home from dropping Steven off at work. Since its the summer I usually order pizza or something of the like for lunch and then for dinner I would pick something up on the way home after Steven gets off after work. What's the numbers involved in this you ask? Well...
All of this totals out to be 2825 calories, 258.6g carbs, 180.5g fat, and 4685 mg of sodium
These numbers alone are such an embarrassment but I'm sad to say that this probably isn't a completely accurate account of what I would eat on an average day. I'm pretty good about not have treats stuck in my desk or hidden around the house but I do snack during the day and especially at night. A little bit here and a little bit there on top of all the crap I eat during the day adds up in the end to gaining a few more pounds week in and week out.
My family has become accustomed to eating like this and its a really hard habit to break. Its also really easy for us to find excuses to not cook at home "Its hot out and I don't want to turn the stove on!", "Not everyone wants to eat a grilled chicken salad", "Steven won't eat the fruit that I have and I don't want to make more then one meal tonight", "I'm too tired/cranky/sad to cook for everyone". All of these or some sort of variation has been said by yours truly in the last couple of months. To me it all made sense and were honest, but the real truth is that they are just excuses.
Excuses have been a crutch of mine for a very long time. I have hidden behind them, but not any longer. The new me cooks every night whether its hot or cold out...no matter if I'm tired or sad. I make meals that are good for my whole family no matter their food preferences.
I met with a nutritionist recently and she gave me some guidelines on how many calories/carbs/proteins/fats I should be in taking daily. She called them guidelines because calling them limits makes a lot of people feel like they are restricting themselves from what they love. I really like this idea to tell you the truth. I'm a foodie at heart and I love to cook despite what I might have said earlier. The idea of never being able to make certain things is something I'm not willing to give up...I'm just not ready to think like that yet.
So here's to turning my back to fast food and looking forward to the many, many awesome meals that I will make in the future.
Along with going to the gym I'm also re-evaluating what foods are around my family. You can't work your actual butt off in the gym only to come home to a big mac and fries and see results (trust me I know this from personal experience). A typical day before I changed my ways would include a frappe in the morning on the way home from dropping Steven off at work. Since its the summer I usually order pizza or something of the like for lunch and then for dinner I would pick something up on the way home after Steven gets off after work. What's the numbers involved in this you ask? Well...
Grande mocha frappe with whipped cream
405 calories
91.6g of carbs
4.5g of fat
345mg of sodium
Domino's
2 slices of cheese pizza
580 calories
70g of carbs
22g of fat
1280mg of sodium
16 Parmesan bread bites
590 calories
57g of carbs
16g of fat
770mg of sodium
with garlic sauce
250 calories
28g of fat
160mg of sodium
Wendy's for dinner
Pretzel Burger
500 calories
56g of fat
45g of carbs
1590mg of sodium
Large Fries
500 calories
24g of fat
65g of carbs
540mg of sodium
All of this totals out to be 2825 calories, 258.6g carbs, 180.5g fat, and 4685 mg of sodium
These numbers alone are such an embarrassment but I'm sad to say that this probably isn't a completely accurate account of what I would eat on an average day. I'm pretty good about not have treats stuck in my desk or hidden around the house but I do snack during the day and especially at night. A little bit here and a little bit there on top of all the crap I eat during the day adds up in the end to gaining a few more pounds week in and week out.
My family has become accustomed to eating like this and its a really hard habit to break. Its also really easy for us to find excuses to not cook at home "Its hot out and I don't want to turn the stove on!", "Not everyone wants to eat a grilled chicken salad", "Steven won't eat the fruit that I have and I don't want to make more then one meal tonight", "I'm too tired/cranky/sad to cook for everyone". All of these or some sort of variation has been said by yours truly in the last couple of months. To me it all made sense and were honest, but the real truth is that they are just excuses.
Excuses have been a crutch of mine for a very long time. I have hidden behind them, but not any longer. The new me cooks every night whether its hot or cold out...no matter if I'm tired or sad. I make meals that are good for my whole family no matter their food preferences.
I met with a nutritionist recently and she gave me some guidelines on how many calories/carbs/proteins/fats I should be in taking daily. She called them guidelines because calling them limits makes a lot of people feel like they are restricting themselves from what they love. I really like this idea to tell you the truth. I'm a foodie at heart and I love to cook despite what I might have said earlier. The idea of never being able to make certain things is something I'm not willing to give up...I'm just not ready to think like that yet.
So here's to turning my back to fast food and looking forward to the many, many awesome meals that I will make in the future.
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Day 2
You know what's hard? Exercising when the self-doubt that has been a constant companion for years rears its ugly head and starts messing with your mind. I mean lets be honest, going into a gym when you ARE the largest person in the room is hard enough. But when you add in all the things that you have heard over the years...and it fills your head to the point that you can't really focus on what you're doing, working out becomes almost impossible.
To be fair it has been a few years since anyone has actually said anything to me or about me that focuses on my weight (for the most part my name is now associated with words like awesome, cool, funny and amazing lol). The denial I have used as a shield let me happily believe that it was because I wasn't THAT big and no one saw it. Now that I'm confronting all of this crap, I see that the voices that I let ruin my workout, my mood, and my day are all coming from the immature adolescents of my youth. At thirty years old I am letting the words of 10 and 11 year-olds affect my fate. To put it in these terms it seems almost laughable, right?!
So today at the gym I squashed those voices...told them to get the heck up outta here and leave me be. No, I wasn't talking out loud (although I did have my headphones in and I could have been and not know it) but yelling at myself internally saying "I CAN DO THIS!", "PUSH IT A LITTLE FURTHER!", "DON'T GIVE UP!". At first it was a jumbled mess of my encouragements and all the things I have let stop me in the past, but the negativity quieted to a dull murmur and if just for a few moments let myself believe in the encouragement.
I find myself sitting here tired, sweaty, and really proud. I've done something for myself. Something that didn't have to do with Steven's back and migraine pain. Something that didn't involve me looking after my child or three dogs...it was all for me for 45 blissfully hard working minutes.
I'm not delusional enough to think that I have quieted the voices of the past for ever but I can feel this subtle confidence that wasn't there a few days ago. Today I proved to myself that I can do this and if I try hard enough I can push through the bad moments and feel better about myself. Thank you to all the friends (new and old) that helped me in getting to this small step. I have no doubt in my mind that all the kind words that were said yesterday were a huge part in having the strength for today.
-Cat
To be fair it has been a few years since anyone has actually said anything to me or about me that focuses on my weight (for the most part my name is now associated with words like awesome, cool, funny and amazing lol). The denial I have used as a shield let me happily believe that it was because I wasn't THAT big and no one saw it. Now that I'm confronting all of this crap, I see that the voices that I let ruin my workout, my mood, and my day are all coming from the immature adolescents of my youth. At thirty years old I am letting the words of 10 and 11 year-olds affect my fate. To put it in these terms it seems almost laughable, right?!
So today at the gym I squashed those voices...told them to get the heck up outta here and leave me be. No, I wasn't talking out loud (although I did have my headphones in and I could have been and not know it) but yelling at myself internally saying "I CAN DO THIS!", "PUSH IT A LITTLE FURTHER!", "DON'T GIVE UP!". At first it was a jumbled mess of my encouragements and all the things I have let stop me in the past, but the negativity quieted to a dull murmur and if just for a few moments let myself believe in the encouragement.
I find myself sitting here tired, sweaty, and really proud. I've done something for myself. Something that didn't have to do with Steven's back and migraine pain. Something that didn't involve me looking after my child or three dogs...it was all for me for 45 blissfully hard working minutes.
I'm not delusional enough to think that I have quieted the voices of the past for ever but I can feel this subtle confidence that wasn't there a few days ago. Today I proved to myself that I can do this and if I try hard enough I can push through the bad moments and feel better about myself. Thank you to all the friends (new and old) that helped me in getting to this small step. I have no doubt in my mind that all the kind words that were said yesterday were a huge part in having the strength for today.
-Cat
Monday, July 8, 2013
a sick cycle that breaks today...this very minute
My weight loss blog just got up and running. There isn't much at the moment but its where I'm going to put all of my highs and lows, my triumphs and setbacks. Talking about this has been one of my biggest issues for such a long time. I actually believed that if I didn't mention it to anyone it wouldn't be an issue.
Lord, what a mistake that was. I have spent the last 15 years or so of my life under the illusion that I didn't really have a problem. Not facing this head on with understanding of my past and hope for the future has lead me to where I am currently. At 378 pounds I am miserable. I have let it consume my every day and fill it with excuses so I don't have to try.
Have you ever been to that point where you are just so angry at what you have let happen that you want to do something IMMEDIATELY?!
I have...many, many, many times. I get motivated and inspired to lose all the excess weight only to become discouraged when nothing happens right away. OOOH and the sick thing is that in my head I KNOW that its not all going to happen at once. I mean why should it? It didn't all show up in one day so losing it shouldn't be any different. See my head knows this, but my heart aches for progress and when it doesn't happen I lose faith in myself.
Its a sick cycle that breaks today...this very minute.
No longer am I going to set myself up for failure by expecting too much from myself to quickly. Yes I want amazing result (and I WILL GET them) but its going to take time. Its going to take effort on my part and lots of support from my friends and family.
I'm also going to accept that I am NOT alone in this. See I have friends and family that love me...that care about me and want me to succeed, but I've never once stopped to consider that they might also understand what I'm going through. This realization hit me today while reading all of the amazing comments and messages I received from my DAY 1 post on facebook. Some I have known for years and had no clue that they had dealt with any of the things they were willing to talk to me about.
The words of encouragement and camaraderie that were sent my way were humbling and will give me the encouragement I need when I need it most. If you are one of those people that talked to me, THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART.
And with that I'm off for the night to go weigh in and take the dreaded measurements
-Cat
Lord, what a mistake that was. I have spent the last 15 years or so of my life under the illusion that I didn't really have a problem. Not facing this head on with understanding of my past and hope for the future has lead me to where I am currently. At 378 pounds I am miserable. I have let it consume my every day and fill it with excuses so I don't have to try.
Have you ever been to that point where you are just so angry at what you have let happen that you want to do something IMMEDIATELY?!
I have...many, many, many times. I get motivated and inspired to lose all the excess weight only to become discouraged when nothing happens right away. OOOH and the sick thing is that in my head I KNOW that its not all going to happen at once. I mean why should it? It didn't all show up in one day so losing it shouldn't be any different. See my head knows this, but my heart aches for progress and when it doesn't happen I lose faith in myself.
Its a sick cycle that breaks today...this very minute.
No longer am I going to set myself up for failure by expecting too much from myself to quickly. Yes I want amazing result (and I WILL GET them) but its going to take time. Its going to take effort on my part and lots of support from my friends and family.
I'm also going to accept that I am NOT alone in this. See I have friends and family that love me...that care about me and want me to succeed, but I've never once stopped to consider that they might also understand what I'm going through. This realization hit me today while reading all of the amazing comments and messages I received from my DAY 1 post on facebook. Some I have known for years and had no clue that they had dealt with any of the things they were willing to talk to me about.
The words of encouragement and camaraderie that were sent my way were humbling and will give me the encouragement I need when I need it most. If you are one of those people that talked to me, THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART.
And with that I'm off for the night to go weigh in and take the dreaded measurements
-Cat
Day 1
The truth is that every crappy thing that I have gone through has made the person that I am today. Yes, part of that description includes being overweight...but you know what my weight can change. I don't know how the hell I'm going to do this when I have everyone else to take care of before myself, but I'll find a way.
So cheers and let the journey begin.
-Cat
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)