Starting point

Today, I got up & was excited about what I had going on. I was meeting with, Jackie, my health coach & then with Jen, one of my trainers.

Talking with Jackie was comfortable. Don't get me wrong - We talked about uncomfortable issues but she is easy to talk with which made the whole process much easier. I really do think that having a health coach has been a vital missing link. With Jackie I'm going to be looking at the whys and the hows which will help me understand and manage my food/weight issues.

Up next was my meeting with Jen. She seems kind and understanding but driven & passionate about what she is doing. We started out with a bit of Q & A and then headed to the locker room to get acquainted with the scale. Now, I love the scale most of the time. I love that it is unbiased & a clear fact. A scale doesn't lie or get mad. It doesn't judge you as you stand there all vulnerable. It just does it's job and tells you where you're at. Well, it did it's job and certainly told be where I'm at...390.8 lbs.

Am I embarrassed but that number? YES! Am I ashamed? No. It is what it is and all I can do is go forward. Getting angry or being ashamed is only going to make me focus on the number. I have better things to focus on...like making it a smaller one :D

So after the scale Jen put me on a treadmill. I started feeling pain in my back after a minute and a half. The side of my calves started cramping after 5 minutes. By 7 minutes I was reconsidering this whole thing but I pushed past it and made it to ten minutes. It's not much but for me, right now, it's a victory.

After the treadmill there were squats and bicep curls. The curls felt familiar, but the squats? My quads were killing me. My hope is that tomorrow I can do better than today & when you think about it...that's all anyone can really hope for. I just want to be a better me than the day before.

After I was done I could barely walk but somehow managed to make it to my car.

I made it home & really had to fight the negative thoughts that had started creeping in. You know the ones...the ones where you question if this is possible or the ones where you just tear yourself down for the pitiful state that your health is in. It seems to be an automatic response for me but I really & truly want to change that.

Jenny's spidey senses must have been tingling because she gave me a call and said all the things that I needed to hear. I got off the phone with a renewed attitude and went about my day being conscious of the choices that I was making.

All in all, I am glad that I went to the gym today & that I know where I'm starting from.

Oh and I wanted to share this with you. My son, Caleb, has been very supportive & understanding considering his age. He is a main source of motivation and I couldn't be prouder to call him my kid.

Until next time
-Cat