At the end of week 7...

Today is the start of week 8 for me but the end of week 7 was a rough one.

I'm happy to say that I didn't binge on what I wanted. I went to bed & woke up with determination to rock this week & an appreciation what I have done in the last several weeks & how far I've come.

I mean losing 30 pounds in 6 weeks and 14 inches in 37 days is nothing to scoff at.

Seven weeks ago, on January 27th, I walked into the gym feeling out of breath. My back was already starting to hurt from just walking across the parking lot and my mind...ha my mind was in overdrive trying to convince me to go back home.

After all, I had joined a gym before. I had exercised and watched what I ate before and it had ALWAYS ended the same way...with me stopping before I had ever given it a real chance. (That's for another blog post) So what made this time different? At the time it didn't feel different. I was sad & depressed about my life, my health, and it all felt hopeless. Sound familiar?


Looking back, the differences are obvious. First, I decided to do it for me. I wasn't in it to be skinny. I didn't want it for my husband, my son, my mom, my friends...no I wanted this for me. I was giving all of my time & energy to everyone & everything around me with no consideration for myself, and it got to the point that in my head I was screaming "What about me?".

Didn't I love myself enough to be happy? Or what about enough to take care of my body? When you let yourself get to 390 lbs, there is probably a good chance that "you" haven't been a priority for a very long time and 7 weeks ago I decided to change that.

Now, when I say that I just decided to change I don't want it to sound like it was as simple as just doing it. If only it was that easy. See, I firmly believed that if I took an hour or two for myself I was being selfish. As a mom & a wife, I had things to do & places to be. Setting time aside for the gym was going to take important time away from everything else that needed my attention! That natural instinct to care for others over self is a hard nut to crack & I had many, many fits over it.

I must have looked like a lunatic...arguing with myself about how there wasn't enough time to go to the gym, drive Steven to work, go to work myself, clean the house, and make dinner. As it turns out, adjustments needed to be made but there was time to get it all done after all. And here's the kicker...my family is better off for it. I am a happier, (getting) healthier mom with more energy to do all of the things that I need to get done.

The 2nd difference...I'm talking about it.

My past attempts to lose weight were secretive, lonely, & isolating events since the fact that I was overweight was such a secret (can you feel the sarcasm?). If I didn't address the issue than the issue wasn't there, right? For some examples that mindset might work but when it comes to being 390 lbs...not by a long shot.

Choosing to talk about my weight openly & honestly has been a terrifying but ultimately rewarding experience that has made all the difference in the world. My story & what I have been doing...I didn't think anyone would listen. After all, who would care or could relate to what I'm going through?!

Never have I been so happy to be wrong. The answer to who would care or could relate is A LOT! Everyday I get to meet & talk with someone that understands. The fact that I am not alone in this is a pretty powerful idea that makes the hard days survivable.

If you happen to be one of the many people that I have gotten to talk to...let me just say thank you. For you to give me some of your time & to feel comfortable enough to talk about your own struggles with me...it touches my heart in ways that I will never be able to explain.