Well those bags of potatoes and slabs of bacon weigh in at 22 lbs and that happens to be what I've lost so far! I mean look at it....I've lost that from my body. It's such a freeing feeling to know that weight is gone & I'm looking forward to the day where I can compare my weight loss to something much bigger. For example an irish setter at 70 lbs or a the average 5'11 fashion model at 117 lbs. Yep I am TOTALLY ready to lose a fashion model.
When I weighed in this last Monday it was fantastic to see that I had lost something other than my mind. In truth, I stepped on the scale expecting to see a gain of some sort. The weekend was rough and I found myself unable to deal with my emotions in any other way than to eat them.
Apparently I don't do well with grief...
Last week I got a puppy. His name was...that's a different story since it changed twice in the short amount of time that we had him. I instantly fell in love with him much to the dismay of my other pups. Not to mention that I have a pretty big heart and when I love something or someone it's instant & forever. So here I was in week four: losing weight, life is good at home, and I have a new puppy. Basically life was good except my other dogs were having a hard time dealing with the new addition. By Friday Steven and I made the decision that the puppy wasn't the right fit for us & I took him back to the shelter.
From the moment I hopped in the truck I was a ball of emotion. I felt sad, depressed, and alone. The whole drive to Missoula sucked. Surrendering Chief back to the shelter was gut wrenching. The drive home was damn near impossible. When I got home I felt hollow.
Have you ever felt that hollow feeling of loss whether it's of your own making or not? The empty & sad feelings made me feel desperate to erase or fill the space with something else. So this weekend that's exactly what I did. I ate cake and had pasta. I eat past being full & didn't even think twice on the amount of calories I was shoving in my mouth. Yes, Saturday was a day of excess.
The part that was different was that I knew what I was doing was an emotional response. I knew that I was being destructive towards everything I had worked for in the past month...I kept eating but I knew. That knowing made a difference. Maybe not at first but it did help to break the cycle a heck of a lot sooner.
Sunday I felt guilty in addition to being sad. It was like "What the hell did I just do?!". Even now, thinking about all the crap I ate makes me a bit upset. I truly had no self-control and knowing that pisses me off (pardon the language on that but it's the truth). I had no tools or skills to fall back on to help me get through the moment. I didn't reach out to anyone. I didn't try anything else. I just did what the old me would do. UGH!
By Monday I had re-committed to doing this right. To moving more, eating right, and dealing with my emotions in a way that's better for me & my waistline. That isn't to say I was excited to get on the scale. I knew what I had done & I was positive the scale was going to reflect that..100% sure of it.
Who knew I could like being wrong?
I know that I screwed up this weekend, but I learned that screwing up isn't the end of the world. Working my butt off in the gym makes those rare moments of weakness not as damaging.
Lesson learned, yes? Man I hope so.
This week I'm putting the puppy behind me. He found a home the very next day & my pups at home are back to being themselves. So this week I'm focusing on the fact that I am less that 5 lbs away from being 1/8th of the way done with my ultimate goal & almost 1/2 way towards my 6 month goal after the first month.
Cat has been working her tail off this week at the Ridge. Today she was mid-sentence telling me something, and a fun pop song came on that APPARENTLY her inner Britney Spears could not ignore. She looked at me and said, "excuse me" and went right to the cardio class to join in. I can't tell you how much energy Cat has while she's here. It's leaps and bounds from the first time we shook hands. I am so proud of Cat.
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