Sliding in Week 12

I have a confession to make.

Today I slide back into the comfortable and unhealthy habits that I relied on heavily three months ago.

I bought and ate a piece of chocolate cake. It was sweet and rich and....didn't help me at all.

What's up with that, cake? I mean you were my go to for all emotional issues for years. Could it possibly be that you NEVER helped?! Could it be that you were just a distraction from the real issues? For the last three months I have missed your company, your taste, and magic salve that would fix my day. I feel foolish for putting my trust in such a small bakery item.

I would like to say that now I know better, but right now all I can focus on is the fact that I am utterly sick to my stomach from all of that chocolate.

I feel ashamed that I went there.

I am disgusted with how my body feels.

Dear lord I think I might be sick...

So what caused my current state?

Week 9 & the Start of Week 10

First with the good news. When I weighed in at the start of week 9, the scale said 357. That means that I have lost a total of 33 lbs so far.

The bad news? Other than the weigh in, all of week 9 sucked.

Not in a my life was going crazy and I turned to my old "eat the stress away" sort of suck...it was more of a being a woman this week sucks and my whole body hurts and I don't want to move because it will hurt sort of way.

I didn't go to the gym much during the week and my whole being felt it. My body was craving the movement & exercise. My mind was constantly thinking of what I should have been doing instead of laying in bed trying not to cry.

Knowing that my body needed the rest I stayed in the fetal position but the self-doubt and negative thoughts started creeping into my mind.

It's so incredibly hard to stay positive when "I'm never going to really lose all this weight" and "What's the point?" type thoughts are running through my head. Fortunately, my trainer (Kristi) and health coach (Jackie) both had me start doing positive thinking homework recently.